BOMBSHELL ANNOUNCEMENT by Norman Smith!
A plutocratic Russian prepper has given me a shit-hits-the-fan load of Nascent Iodine to tell my inside story of working at the Alt-Health mega-tabloid and bureau of truth known as Natural News, which pairs the marketing magic of the Agora Model with the Supplement-Superfood-Industrial complex (aka "Little Big Pharma"), while masterfully melding the grand traditions of yellow journalism, scandal sheets, gossip rags, HUAC handouts, and Bircher broadsides into newspeak that is always 100% all-natural.
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| Norman Smith with Comrade Schizandra Johnson, legendary headline writer for the Worker's Vanguard newspaper. |
After a tour of duty as a dialectical copywriter for the ecommerce wing of the Spartacist League, I accepted a full-time job with Koala Media, which is the secret code name of Quantum Media, which is the secret code name of Natural News, whose founder Mike "Health Ranger" Adams is widely known as the hardest working truthmonger in America. This was 2015, just as the Alt-Right was making its MAGA Leap Forward into the White House. Just a coincidence? I wonder.
At Natural News, I palled around with some of America's leading chemtrail collectors, open carriers, non-compliers, dental mercury removers, anti-vaxxers, false flaggers, wellness warriors, piss swillers, and Official Narrative Questioners of every conceivable shade.
Although nobody writes better ads for the Health Ranger Store than the Health Ranger himself, he decided to turn that job over to me, so he could devote more time to building his Forensic Food Lab, 3D-printing his Mini-Farm Grow Boxes, self-peer-reviewing his Natural Science Journal, and patenting the formulas for his Cesium Eliminator, Heavy Metals Defense, and other Health Ranger Inventions.
As his superfood and supplement slinger, I ghostwrote all his advertising, selling millions of dollars of turmeric gold, clean chlorella, hemp juvenate, pharaoh's oil, and all the other alt-health favorites that subscribers to the Natural News Insider can't live without.
In my spare time, I also turned out sensational scoops for his constant stream of new Hub Sites, after he bought up hundreds of "dot news" domain names during a legendary all-night shopping spree. Such as:
Trump.news
NPR.news
CDC.news
EPA.news
FDA.news
WhiteHouse.news
FalseFlag.news
Monsanto.news
CBDs.news
Vaccines.news
Vaccineinjury.news
Vaccinedamage.news
Abortions.news
Nuclear.news
Journalism.news
Shootings.news
Powergrid.news
BitcoinCollapse.news
Conspiracy.news
MikeAdams.news
and hundreds more!
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| Intra-Office memo from Hacker X |
Adams recruited the mysterious Hacker X as spawner-in-chief of the Hub Sites, which spread faster than the Fauci Flu, each one flourishing on the content of the others, the mass steadily rising.
When WashingtonPost.news ran afoul of Washington Post owner Jeff Bezos, Adams immediately dispatched Hacker X to hack up a new Hub Site to report the story.
Which is not to be confused with...
Not to mention the nationally-known Hub Site devoted to watching David Hogg, the "anti-gun sociopath" who became "the most dangerous person in America" after surviving the 2018 school shooting in Parkland, Florida.
I'll also throw in the top secret Writer's Guide to Natural News Slanguage, where you will find Abortion Axiom #1: The terms "chop shop" and "baby parts" must always be used when referring to Planned Parenthood. (Defamation Corollary to Abortion Axiom #1: When it comes to Margaret Sanger, anything goes.)
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| A full-bodied red with savory notes of turmeric and black pepper, and just a hint of fermented fetal tissue. |
Natural News has long been (and probably still is) "the internet's most-trafficked natural health news website."
Before it was banned from social media by the evil tech giants, Natural News had 2.7 million followers on Facebook, compared to a mere 900,000 Facebook followers for InfoWars.
With its 400-plus hub sites, the Natural News network is the largest online news organization in the free world (according to The Amazing Bilderberg).
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| The Amazing Bilderberg |
"Mike Adams' online bubble is so vast and self-sufficient, it warrants the term 'ecosystem.' In the age of the digital echo chamber, his voice can be heard even if you don’t go searching for it."
—Jonathan Jarry, McGill University
I'll take you on a guided tour of the entire ecosystem, showing exactly what makes it, like George Washington, incapable of telling a lie.
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| Mike Adams in his laboratory, preparing Organic Survival Food Buckets. (Note the handy pistol and tactical knife on his side.) |
Natural News and Infowars are the two pillars of the American truth movement, and Austin Texas is ground zero.
"Man, I gotta say, the Health Ranger is amazing. He's so on target." —Alex Jones, January 18, 2018
I'll explain how Adams can call Jones an "attention-seeking person with a huge ego" and "the Brian Williams of alternative media," and still be a regular Infowars guest and host.
And how he can get away with calling Infowars "an endless infomercial for over-hyped health products and crappy storable food loaded with MSG and GMOs."
And how he can even make Jones the target of one of his "Watch" sites...
And I'll explain why Adams won't shake Jones's hand.
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| Health Ranger leaves Jones hangin', while Dr. Ed Group the Urine Drinker looks on. |
What killed the "new media mothership" known as TalkNetwork?
Was it a covert op by Alex Jones (as alleged by Oliver Stone's son's good buddy Dean Ryan)?
Or was it subversive infiltration by agent provocateur Rebekah Roth?
"Donald Trump is actually a very compassionate, caring human being who quietly helps those in need."
—The Health Ranger, 20 November 2016
Here's Trumphead delivering a speech to Fyodor the Siberian husky, in the Qantas Quantum Koala Media media room.
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Here's Mike Adams interviewing Trump's buddy Roger Stone on InfoWars.
Here's Fyodor and Schizandra Johnson meeting the Trump Swamp Monster.
I'll explain how Adams got banned from social media by the techno-loons of Silicon Valley, and his ingenious schemes for outsmarting the freedom-hating censors.
I'll reveal where he got the secret technology for Real.Video, which he launched after getting kicked off YouTube.
And why he changed the name of Real.Video to Brighteon.com despite its similarity to Brighton brand urinal screens.
You'll learn how Brighteon opposes censorship by censoring videos by "communists, fascists, Marxists, left-wing lunatics and others who are unsafe to the community."
And why he suddenly changed the name of his website "Hang the Censors" to "A Final Warning."
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Can you really eat Himalayan crystal balls? Or did I just make that up?
Is the Health Ranger's Nascent Iodine really divinely inspired by Edgar Cayce? Or did I just make that up?
Here's the late Kevin Sanders, author of "How To Get High At Church" (prophecy.news), sampling some superfood he found growing in a Texas creek.
And here's Mike Adams' rapper twin brother, Amethios Adams.
I'll tell you the truth about the one thing on TruthWiki that isn't true.
I'll give you my Top 7 Tricks for surviving without a Credit Card Survival Multi-Tool.
I'll also divulge these Health Ranger secrets that "they" don't want you to know:
> Why he buys hundreds of books and chops off their spines.
> His 3D printer's nickname.
> The special ingredient he puts in his smoothies.
> His trade name before he became The Health Ranger.
> Why he does so much to help black people.
> The correct way to pronounce his wife's name.
> How he eluded the childhood vaccine jabbers.
> What he was really doing in Ecuador.
> Why he refuses to drink Dr. Group's urine.
> Why he brings his own sheets when staying in hotels.
> Why he loves to threaten to testify under oath.
> How he gets his edged-weapons so sharp.
> The latest revelations about his "Jesus Donkey."
> How he almost cleaned up the water supply in Flint, Michigan.
> His Top 10 all-time best predictions.
> His go-to prayer when he does something unhealthy.
> Why he never bought a MyPillow.
You'll also get my unredacted view of the Great Texas Dildo Revolt!
I'll peel away all the pseudonyms in Natural Newsland, giving credit where credit is due!
What is the true identity of the legendary "one-man content farm" J.D. Heyes? And what the fuck is The National Sentinel?
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Who is Ethan Huff? And what rock did Mike Adams find him under? (I kid Ethan. He's one of the greats!)
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| Not actually Ethan Huff, but close enough. |
What is the awful truth about the original punk right-wing millennial?
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Who is Ed Branson and why did Mike Adams choose him to write this hit piece on Alex Jones?
Who the hell is Bobby Buffington?
Who is the Assclown? (Hint: It's not Bobby Buffington.)
(Bonus Elixir Hack: Add a drop of the secret "healing alchemy" recipe to a can of the Voodoo Ranger's beer. Then just sit back and wait...)
And I'll answer the immortal question: Can Mike Adams really destroy Alex Jones? (The answer may surprise you.)
And I'll explain THIS:
And THIS:
And THIS:
And THIS:
And THIS:
And THIS:
And THIS:
And THIS:
and THIS:
And THIS:
And THIS:
Exactly how long will it take the Health Ranger to heal the world through clean food?
The shocking answer to that question, and all the others, will, like The Kraken, soon be released.
